


I Serve Transylvania

by transtomgirl



Category: Gothic erotica and adventure, Original Work
Genre: Bisexual, F/F, F/M, Gothic, Guns, Halloween, Lesbian, Multi, Sex, vampire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-07
Updated: 2020-03-01
Packaged: 2020-08-10 23:30:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20143780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/transtomgirl/pseuds/transtomgirl
Summary: Hunting monsters would be tough, but protecting them is even harder. It only gets more complicated as this monster's mansion heats up. Has this vampire finally thrown her last party or can her newest bodyguard save the night?





	1. Sweet Pumpkin Pie

**Author's Note:**

> Explicit birotica with a female protagonist. It's also an action-adventure with a strong Halloween theme. The violence is separate from the sex,and at the same level as the Underworld films. Feedback appreciated!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gemma Shelley doesn't hunt monsters. On the contrary,she protects them. The Boogyman's bodyguard. Gemma likes to keep things simple,like an efficient soldier. But a new assignment could get complicated fast when a pale skinned countess heats things up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's birotica with a female protagonist. There is violent action at about the level of an Underworld film.

We've all heard the camp fire stories of brave knights slaying monsters. But they always leave an important part out. Monsters often have human guardians. That's me. I'm a Monster Protector. The Boogeyman's bodyguard. Sworn servant to the Red,Orange and Black. Once,my trade was outlawed. Any human working with monsters was burned at the stake. Now, it's a thriving business under the Devil's Accord of 1818. My name is Gemma Shelley. I serve Transylvania.

My Mercedes purred like a dream as I followed the winding road to my new master's estate. She was a finely tuned instrument,the engine playing like Mozart. It's almost as well maintained as the pumpkin's head combat knife that I keep polished up on my belt, ready for dirty deeds. I carefully put my jet black hair in a ponytail as the nicotine rush from my gum starts to fade. Still stressed, I reach for another piece that isn't there. Shit! Bad timing. I adjust my red tie in the mirror,checking for spots on the tailored orange and black suit. Transylvania Travel loves Halloween colors,for obvious reasons,and they are very insistant about the dress code. Everything has to be prim and proper. Monsters,it turns out, have a surprising number of rules.  
The estate was lavish. Luxury incarnate. From the outside,it looked huge. From inside,it somehow got bigger. This mansion had eaten a house or two. I made sure my black dress shoes didn't scuff the polished floor.  
She's a movie star. That's my first thought as the Countess Abrielle waltzes down the long staircase,ready for her close up. Her ice blue hair goes down to her shoulders. A feminine cut,color aside. Her pale skin peakes out suggestively from underneath a pumpkin orange dress. The orange rhinestone shades are almost comical,like some tourist's idea of how a star dresses,down to California Girl being stenciled on one of the lenses,over a palm tree sticker.  
Two men await her at the bottom of the stairs,both in the customary suits of orange and black. One is a Scandanavian blonde with Crystal blue eyes. The other is a black man with soft brown pupils. Both are built like gods,abs visible under the suits. The countess stops at the end of the staircase and playfully unbuttons their collars. The ties undone,she tosses them away.  
"So your my new maiden,yes?".  
I bow quickly.  
"Yes master, transfer from Dublin,till such time as you replinish your household".  
"Till such time as I release you, and not before". "Fuck that damn leprechaun,he can hire more guns".  
I bow again. We do that allot. "As you wish,master".  
"Gustavo,what is my name"?  
"Mistress or Countess". The blonde replies.  
"Milo,how does one know which to use"?  
The cut ebony man with attentive eyes steps forward. "Countess is for business,Mistress is for pleasure".  
"Such good boys"! She produces two doggie treats from the folds of her dress and hands them each one. They devour them excitedly as she pats them both on the head. Then she smiles,and pats them both on their other heads too.  
The boys are sent away and she turns her attention back to me. "You understand"?

"Yes Countess".

"Good. Dublin was your first assignment, but you do come to us with an impressive resume". 

Bow the third. "Thank you Countess".

"It does leave a few questions though. Why does an nice little Brit girl sign on with the Isreali army? She pulls down her rhinestone glasses,I'm guessing you're not the religious type".  
"I needed the the bloody combat experience. I wanted to get into Black Marsh,and they only take soldiers with confirmed kills".  
"Yes I suppose it's hard to look badass while guarding tea at London Harbor".  
"I needed things to happen fast if I was gonna score a big private outfit right outta my first tour". I shrugged. "It worked. The Isrealis kept me on the field. After my first confirmed kill,they stopped making me go to church".  
"That's nice. After all,you were already practicing the faith". "And how'd you react when a man from Transylvania told you that monsters not only existed,they were hiring"?  
"I asked him how much money it was".

The Countess laughed. "I like you Gemma". "In fact,I think we're ready to swear the oath".  
"I already did,Countess".  
"I know, but I like a personal touch,kneel and begin".

I kneel and I recite the words. "I swear my fealty to the Omega Predators, who's superiority is beyond question. They are my end,eternal and inevitable. Yet I accept my fate. I wrap myself in red,orange and black,eager to serve the Omega. I am pleased to know that all possible reward will be mine,if only I am loyal,if only I know my place in nature".  
The Countess stepped forward. "Oh blessed betrayer,I accept your vow, and promise to never prey upon you,so long as you wear the red,orange and black. Your treachery is but an acknowledgement that loyalty is owed solely to one's superiors. Your heart is a pumpkin that I will cultivate,that you may burn with the passion and vigor of a true Jack O'lantern".

I'm not surprised that she produces another doggie treat. What could possibly surprise me anymore? But I do wonder where they're all coming from. With only slight hesitation, I chomp it down. She pats my head. "Good girl"! "You made momma very happy"!  
"I'm here to serve", I just manage to keep my composure,"and in that capacity, I would like to discuss the ostentatious nature of this lair,the attention it draws could be a security concern,and we can't cover all of the entrances"...

"I like attention" The Countess replied briskly. "What's wrong with that"?

"Nothing Countess,it just makes my job more difficult".

"You wish to ignore me and find that difficult"?

"No, I find you impossible to ignore, but I worry that hostile forces will discover you".

"They already have,so no worries".

"Did the Crusaders voice a grievance before the attack"?

"They said I was encouraging one of their Sister Christians to be sexually impure".

"Any truth to that claim"?

She smiled. "None at all, I just suggested she try having sex with another woman". "It was Sunday the sixth…

"I don't require a detailed account".

"Perhaps not, but I think you want one,is that so"?

"Yes" escapes my lips in a whisper.

"As I said,it was Sunday the sixth, and I was attending evening mass".

"Forgive me Countess,but why did you attend evening mass"?

"Because the sun burns my skin,obviously".

"Sorry,go on".

"I spent mass eyeing this adorable little blonde girl in a Jesus fish t-shirt. I'd smile whenever I caught her looking back,she'd go back to her Bible.

" After church, I introduced myself,and invited her for a stroll. She said her name was Genesis. She also mentioned it was her 18th birthday".

"That's convenient", I mumbled as I stretched in my suit.

"Isn't it though"? The Countess went on.

She said her parents were very strict, and she had never even kissed a boy before. I asked if she had ever kissed a girl. She turned bright red,and told me she had thought about it once.

I kissed her right then. She kissed back. I asked her what else she had thought about. She pauses before telling me we'd have to be naked for the rest of it. I brought Genesis back here, for a new beginning.

"Gives a whole new meaning to speaking in tongues". "Did you feed from her"? My suit is hot and stuffy.

"Yes,right over there",she gestures to the middle of the polished floor.

"And how did she react"?

"The same way you will".

I turn red as a Christian schoolgirl. We sit in silence for a few minutes.

"I went to confession the very next night,told the priest everything". "How did he respond"? I asked as I loosened my red tie. "He was shocked,said I had to cleanse my lustful thoughts". I leaned into the confessional,and asked the good Father Chavez if he had any lustful thoughts on his mind? Turns out he did". "What happened next"? I asked as I removed the red tie. "You've heard of godhead"? "I gave him devilhead. My serpent's tongue wrapped around his unused cock and went to work. My saliva drenched his shaft as I licked his blessed balls with snake like precision. He hailed Mary. He called upon all the saints. But it was to no avail. I asked if he accepted my satanic gift of pleasure. He cried out yes and annoited my lustful mouth with his mortal cum. I left the confessional saying simply that he had an beautiful brown cock and it would be muy mal to waste it". "Sounds like you won a convert,Countess". I unbutton my collar. "You'll be calling me Mistress soon. But yes, I don't doubt that Father Chavez found his orgasm to be a religious experience. "Te Gustas"? was my pregunta. "Si,si"! was his fervent answer. 

She then pointed to my hands. "Why do your hands fidget so"?

"My apologies Countess". "I quit smoking recently".

"Why? Did it no longer please you"?

"It pleases me, but my doctor said I should stop". 

"Dear me,Gemma this just won't do. How can I trust you to aid in my pleasures if you won't indulge your own"?

"I can indulge Countess".

"It's Mistress now,we're on to pleasure". She smiled. "Milo, bring momma some cigs and a lighter".

"Yes Mistress". He returned quickly with a pack of Virginia cigs called Black Death and a red lighter.  
"Your tobacco ration is a full pack each day,and then another at night". "Start now. Light up Gemma. Enjoy it".

"Mistress,I worked so hard…"

"Too hard. Now obey your mistress". She hands me the pack and lighter. I begin the familiar ritual. I pound the pack exactly three times into my palm. I tear open the outer plastic wrap,then open the top and tear away the foil. Then I take a moment to just smell the already thick odor of tobacco. I put a cig in my mouth gently,like some nervous virgin. Then she's there,with blinding speed. She takes the lighter out of my hand. I figure her game is over and I passed the test,such as it was. Then she lights it.  
God,it taste good. I float to Heaven on a cloud of smoke. Robust fume,sweet ammonia,mixes with the aftertaste of doggie biscuit. I inhale and exhale with an excitement that simple breathing was never able to inspire. A few minutes later, I realize that Ash has marred the polished floor. And then I see her. Yeah, another her, it's that kind of story. The smoke takes form,the shape of a beautiful woman,a super model even,like Aphrodite coming out of the sea foam, except more fire and smoke. She speaks with a low,vigorous rasp. "Hey". She almost seems to play with her hair. 

"Hey", I respond with my mouth agap, barely able to hold my cig.

"I'm Ashan". Said the smoke woman.

"I'm Gemma".

The Mistress is impressed. "You instinctively summoned an air elemental, just with pure passion. That shouldn't be possible".

"Well, actually,I'm a smoke elemental". Ashan smiles. "No real shock that we connected". "It's like,you see someone across the room, and there's this unexplainable kismet". "You just know".

"Know what exactly"? The Mistress is curious.

"That your meant for each other".

The Mistress chuckles. "Well what do ya know"? "Love at first puff".

I interject "Ashan,you seem great,but this is all happening kinda fast".

She leans in. "Don't you wanna inhale"? I do,and we kiss. I finish the rest of my cig in one drag. Ashlan waves as she drifts away,"Call me"! Then I remember how jealous monsters can be.

"Forgive me Mistress, I lost focus"!

She just smiles. "At least your following your desires". "That's the point,my little Pumpkin Pie,to be indulgent". She nudged me with the toe of a black heel. "Here comes another distraction".

Suddenly,I'm warm. Like,in the loins. I smile,play confident. She just smiles back. The heat intensifies. I'm horny as hell. I keep picturing blue hair and pale skin. I wait for the feeling to pass. It goes up another notch. I tap my feet. I don't know what to do. My mistress just keeps smiling. Then she nudged me again with her heel. I'm on fire. I start jumping in place. Then, finally, I break down. I rip my belt off and drop my slacks to the floor,letting the black panties fall with them. My fingers dive into pink folds and I can think of nothing but release. I masturbate right there,panting like a damn dog. Waves of pleasure send me to the floor and my mistress just raises an eyebrow. Then that mischievous smile. "Ask me to let you".

"To let me masturbate"? Forgive me,I couldn't…"

"I mean to let you finish".

Oh fuck. It just occurs to me that I've been here a while. Several hours,I think. Several hours, but I haven't cum. "Mistress,may I finish"?

"In two more hours,stroke of midnight". She chuckles.

"Mistress please…"

"Stroke of midnight".

I rub and rub,a corked bottle of champagne. I pace myself,so as not to rub raw. The juice builds, but then recedes. A tide that never quite makes the beach. An eternity passes. Finally,the cork bursts forth. I nearly drown in my own fluids,like some pornographic parody of the Ancient Mariner. Cum,cum everywhere,but not a drop to drink. I devour four cigarettes in a row. Fuck the polished floor.  
…

When I wake up, I'm in the biggest bed I've ever seen. I'm still clad in the orange and black,but now it's lingerie. I get up and head down the hall, seeking the Countess. I try the first door, but she isn't there. Instead,Milo and Gustavo are naked sharing a bed of their own. They don't notice me, since fucking doggy style has their full attention. Milo is way thick, but I figure Gustavo can handle it. I'm a voyeur for a couple minutes before Milo speaks to me.

"We left the door open on purpose Gemma,you can watch,if you like".  
But I don't just watch. I step into the room.

"You guys are bi,right"? "I saw how you looked at the mistress".

Gustavo spoke up. "You could say this is the house of bi". "Honestly,we just don't label the hedonism".

"We do what feels good", Milo responded.

"What if I was to suck both your dicks right now,sound like it would feel good"?

They smile, mouths agap. My mouth is agap too,so I fill it with Milo's thick,ebony rod. I go down to my knees,still clad in Halloween langerie. I grab Gustavo's handsome member with my free hand and immediately lament having only one mouth. I don't want either of the lads to get soft,so I switch between. I get into a rhythm, sometimes trying to suck both at once before going back to the oral gymnastics. The boys are all smiles,but I'm not seeing any cum. Maybe they're just placating me. I pick up my pace. My tongue dances across both dicks like I was auditioning for first chair flute in band. Gustavo submits first,his bottle bursting only a few moments before Milo surrenders. They anoint me in their juices,and I'm suddenly glad to not be wearing the suit. It would have gotten stained. I sit in their pumpkin juice for a few minutes before heading back down the hallway. The boys actually go back to fucking. Gustavo is on top this time.  
I proceed on, and the Countess's voice drifts toward me. "Gustavo,Milo,Mommy needs her feeding". "What's holding you"? "Are you guys fucking"?

"Actually,they kinda are".

She spins about, excited. "Really? That's awesome! Who's bottom? Top"?

"They switch,from what I could tell".

"And how could you tell"?

"I saw them as I came down the hall".

"And who came on you"? She asked playfully.

"Both of them, I gave them oral". "Kind of a sudden impulse".

"You indulged another impulse"! "Good for you! And most especially good for them!, She projected down the long hallway. Have fun boys, keep it lubed"! She turns to me, still smiling. "That being the case,Momma could sure use your help, speaking of impulses".

I crane my neck. "At your service,Countess".

"Wonderful! But call me Mistress. Nothing against your neck,but I would rather feed from that gorgeous pussay. Momma wants to taste that Pumpkin Pie".

I spread them on the couch, dropping my panties. She goes right for my pumpkin patch. She doesn't bite. She extracts my blood with her forked tongue,like some kind of sapphic serpent. The experience leaves us both sated,to say the least. Thus engorged on my blood and cum,she grabs a seat across from me,an ornate armchair.

"Gemma, I pride myself on being an honest monster. Deceit is the only sin I don't commit. So here's the thing, Pumpkin Pie. I've been watching you since your recruitment. I was impressed,so I bought you from the Leprechaun, because I wanted you for my pleasure detail".

We never talk back to our masters, but being handled like that did upset me, overwhelming my usual pragmatism.

"You bought me like a cheap hoar"!

"Gods no! You were very expensive"! The price was not insulting,by any means. And don't sass me. Only I get to sass".

"Forgive me Mistress, but I am a highly trained soldier"!

"I know! That's why this is so hot for me! My own personal action girl, just like Milla Jovovich"!

I breathe deep. "I'm flattered Countess,but my skill set goes far beyond harem girl. I'm a security expert and frankly,the discipline around here is more than a bit lacking. You are still vulnerable to an attack. Someone should be patrolling these grounds, keeping you safe".

"I think you underestimate the number of skills that being a harem girl involves. Here I thought you might enjoy a few fetishes that didn't involve trenches or marching. Well I'm sorry that having sex with an immortal disappoints you so. By all means,spend the rest of the night and day marching around the perimeter, looking for enemies on my lawn like a paranoid lunatic".

"Countess I…"

"Go".

…

Back in the suit,and with an autopistol jammed into my pants. I march about the earily well maintained lawn,but I'm mostly just using up that tobacco ration. Why'd I have to open my big mouth? Never think you have more pride then a monster. I'm lucky she didn't just eat me. No, that's not how I feel. Truth is, I worry that I'll never wet her appetite again. She's intense,like a pop star on...all the usual stuff pop stars are on. But everything she does feels good. It feels so damn good,it must be bad for me. I exhale a cloud of smoke, and keep trudging. Then I see it. A silver cross. Right there on the lawn. Ok, could be nothing. She probably wears it to be ironic,some kinda faux silver. Seems like something she'd do. I do another pass,this time checking every blade of grass. Shit. Or rather,what had fallen into the pile of dog shit. A silver bullet. Fuck me with an iron strap-on.  
I burst back into the mansion,telling Gustavo and Milo to ready for a fight. The Countess doesn't even look up from her Seventeen magazine. "Finally gone full paranoid,huh"?  
There's no time for this. I put the bullet right in front of her face. "It's not fucking paranoia if they really are out to get you"!  
As if on cue,they come bursting from the back hallway. Not through the door. We jump behind the couch as they fire,pistols already drawn from holsters attached to camo of white and gold. Samite clad crusaders. Iron strap-on. No lube. 

"Where did the hell did they come from, there's no back entrance"!

The Countess pops her gum as the couch takes fire. "I think they found the underground sex dungeon".

"Why do you have a fucking sex dungeon"?

"For fucking. I mean,obviously".

"You did kinda answer your own question". Milo puts in.

The firing stops after we trade a couple of rounds. But before we can think ourselves reprieved,the chorus starts up. A choral chant,elegant Latin describing nightmares. Spiked iron strap-on lubed with our blood.

"Kill them now, before the crescendo"!  
I put two in one's throat. Milo scores a head shot. Gustavo knocks a knee cap. Then the white light appears,and our bullets are so much vapor.

The commander steps out from his unit,and calls the Hand of God. It's made of the same white light,fingers grasping for our Countess. It's a forgone conclusion. I reach for her anyway. She reaches back. My corporeal form can't even nudge a finger. The Hand just takes her,as I scream.

Then I remember my non-corporeal encounter. I light the smoke so fast, I nearly burn my own fingers. I bellow her name on the exhale,"Ashan"!

The smoke curls,curves and takes the form of a beautiful woman with a voice like Emma Stone.

"You called, I knew you would"!

"Grab the Countess"!

"I feel like a three way is allot for our second date".

"Ashan"!

"Alright, alright"!

The smoke elemental casually strides the air and plucks the Countess from the Hand,like she was grabbing a purse. Time slows for her,magnetic as she is. Except it's not so easy. The Hand won't open. She pulls harder,then pries with all her might,finally freeing the Countess. The smoke is a sin to the holy aura,and it fades out of puritanical disgust. Ashan confides a bit as she lands behind the couch. "It's not that I'm unwilling to experiment, I just wanna make sure we're all wafting in the same direction".

The Countess is unflappable,as ever. "I waft in all directions, honey".

We thank the smoke elemental,but tell her we have to cut the date short. She pouts,but tells us to call her later. Time resumes it's usual pace as the crusaders realize their spell is broken and start firing again. I need the Countess outta here.

"Gustavo,get her upstairs, we'll cover you"!

"On it". They go for the stairs,Milo and I return fire. I send three into gold camo. Milo scores a head shot on another,what little brains the asshole had paint the wall. Milo covers his boy like he fucks him,with pinpoint accuracy.

"They made the stairs"! Milo fires another from his second black barrel.

"Charge"! I run and jump, clearing the couch clean,as Milo slides. I drop one as I descend, spending the last of my clip. The remaining crusader puts a hole in my jacket just before Milo sends him to meet Jesus.

"Tell Gustavo to stay with the Countess,we'll check the sex dungeon. …"First time I'll have done that in battle".

"Really"? "This is my third".

I just shake my head. 

…  
It's a 3 level mall. Assuming that mall sold nothing but dildos,strap-ons,and vibrators. We clear the ground floor quickly. Just one lost lamb wondering where the bullets came from. There's three on the second level, but we manage to take cover behind some dildos. We exchange fire for a few rounds,then I see a fourth virgin sneaking around my flank. He gets my "Halloween Special",a custom combat knife with a Jack O'Lantern on the hilt. The blood from his eye socket ruins his camo, but then,white always stains easy.  
Milo had dispatched one with a foot and head combo. The other two weren't expecting the safe sex bin to spill from Milo's trick shot, drowning them in condoms. We use the distraction to make double sure that they never breed. Irony abounds and all that.  
The top level is empty,save for a number of sex dolls. We give the all clear and head back to the estate.  
"That was amazing"! You were just like Milla or Beckinsale"! The Countess is clearly enthused when Milo and I get back."You we're great too Milo,all Mace Windu about that shit"!

"So did it maybe turn you on,seeing your action girl in action"? Yeah, I ask her.

"Well now, I wouldn't wanna be undisciplined,but maybe just a little". Like I said, a ten on the Milla-Beckinsale scale".

"Don't forget Rhona Mitra". I light a smoke. "How'd you see everything"?

"Our mistress had me install cameras in the sex dungeon". Gustavo offered helpfully.

"Seriously"?

"Oh relax,it was for a grad study,local sociology department".

"Sure they got an A +". "Gustavo,you better call this in to Transylvania,these non- fucking zealots will keep coming".

"Just hope they don't put me on hold".

The Countess deals with local authorities while we wait for word from the company. It's not hard. Most of them use her sex dungeon. They ask her to try and avoid so many noise complaints,then recommend a strong bleach for "wine stains".  
Gustavo comes back in, phone at his side.

"What's our orders"? I ask with some trepidation.

"We are hereby stationed at the Catacombs,until this area can be resecured". 

"Fuck that"! The Countess responds instantly.

"We can't protect you here. Not with a whole wasp's nest on this place".

Milo backs me up. "She's right,we gotta regroup". 

"The Catacombs are a dusty shithole".

"They're actually several dusty shitholes tied together". Adds Gustavo.

"It'll be temporary,and we'll still have fun. You can make a new fetish out of it".

"Fetish,huh? Listen Gemma, it's only fun if it's mutual. You can just manage security,if that's what you want".

"Actually,I was thinking that I could pull double duty. I could be a concubine soldier,like in the Navy".

"So your saying"...

"Slap a collar on me and feed me a dog biscuit. I'm yours Mistress ``.

I knew she'd have the biscuit handy. I really wasn't expecting her to already have the collar though. It's Halloween orange,matches her dress. "Fits perfectly Mistress".

"It better, I had it custom built to your exact neck measurements".

I stare blankly as she drags me, bewildered but willing,to an upstairs bedroom. I couldn't help but feel like I was going up the stairs and through the looking glass.


	2. All aboard the Transylvania Express

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All aboard! Protecting monsters is hard work,time to let off some steam. Ok, maybe allot of steam. Gemma and other bodyguards are escorting the Countess aboard the Transylvania Express. But sometimes, people just won't let you ride the train...

We've all heard the camp fire stories of brave knights slaying monsters. But they always leave an important part out. Monsters often have human guardians. That's me. I'm a Monster Protector. The Boogeyman's bodyguard. A Sworn servant to the Red,Orange and Black. Once,my trade was outlawed. Any human working with monsters was burned at the stake. Now, it's a thriving business under the Devil's Accord of 1818. My name is Gemma Shelley. I serve Transylvania.

I'm on a secret train called the Transylvania Express and I'm getting fucked hard by a werewolf named Mr. Cuddles. Nostradamus could not have predicted this shit. Yeah, werewolves are real too. What do I know about them? They're half wolf,furry and have huge cocks. How's that for a start? My pussy is so full of woodland brown lycanthrope dick that I can't think of anything else. Not that I want to. I'm bent over doggy style,my black slacks around my knees and my dark hair draping over my breasts,which now poke through my orange dress shirt. The buttons burst a few minutes ago. He's the wolf,yet I'm the one howling to the moon. "Let's howl together Cuddles"! I yell enthusiastically. 

"Now,now,ladies first Gemma" the werewolf smiles as his fur and muscles get thicker,along with his already massive member. Werewolves can customize their form. With practice,they learn not to completely wolf out. It's often too much. But Cuddles just keeps letting himself grow. My vaginal walls stretch to allow for even more weredick. I pray to Luna for the tenth time.  
"Let me know if it gets too intense". Cuddles was a sensitive sort of horny werewolf. "I know mortal girls have their limits".  
My cunt hairs bristle. "You saying this bitch can't take it"?

Cuddles backpedals like a champ. "Gemma, that's not what I'm saying". "Werewolf physiology has certain…"

"This bitch can take whatever you got"! "You keep that furry fuckstick growing"!

"Not sure that's…"

"Make me fucking bark"! "Full moon fever,right the fuck now"!

So I'm kind of a prideful bitch sometimes. I'm a bit competitive when I'm horny. We all have our weaknesses. ...I go weak at the knees as the hungry wolf cock grows. It's gotta be getting close to a foot long. My pussy is turning to Jello,like ten years of constant fucking is happening at once. My hangar bay is being extended as he thrusts. His huge wolf balls bounce against my ever stretching pussy,his shaft piercing my pink folds like it was the fucking Spear of Destiny. Careful what you wish for. But then, I guess no pussy stays tight forever. I howl so loud it bounces to both ends of the train. I cum three times in a row. Cuddles finally joins me in the third. His semen overflows, spraying like a power washer, except I'm dirty as fuck. Soaked in wolf jiz, I flip over and land on my back. Mr. Cuddles pulls his empty rod out of my newly enlarged vagina. I light a smoke,relearn how to inhale.  
"You good,Gemma"?

"Better than good. Though my vag is allot looser then it once was". "Like,since this morning".

"Sorry about that".

"No worries". 

"It's a question of scale, really".

"It's a question of your huge fucking werecock". I exhale a cloud of smoke. "I better go check on the Countess".

"Can we cuddle first"?

"You know I would love to, but the Countess is really nervous about this trip, and I already ducked out for doggy style". "Rain check"?

"Of course".

I leave the train car still dripping with lycanthrope sperm,only to find Debbie waiting with a towel and her usual melancholy expression. "Sure,it's fun right now,but don't ask me to dig the fur out of your couch".  
Debbie the Downer was the second train guard,the first being Mr. Cuddles. She had practically lived on the Transylvania Express for four years,and had nothing but rain clouds to offer the train's passengers. She had been a storm of sardonic put downs,our entire first week on the Express.  
"Maybe I like having fur in my couch". "Did you consider that,Debbie"?

Debbie pushed her green hair out of her face and lite a menthol,the smoke tracing an outline around her orange and black suit. Her silver eyes glowered. "You'll feel differently when it starts to itch". She throws the towel in my face and takes a swig of the cough medicine she always kept in her breast pocket. "The Countess wants to see you". The human rain cloud drifted towards the dining car,no doubt to rain on someone else's parade.

I arrive at the rear car still dripping in sweat and knock on the door. It opens, seemingly by itself. The room is utterly dark,just the glow of an orange lava lamp to light my way. 

"Did you enjoy your liaison with the werewolf"? The voice manages to be silky and authoritative,all at once.

I light a smoke,creating another orange light. "Isn't the word liaison just polite speak for shagging"?

"I suppose so, but I still think it sounds sexy". "You had fun,judging by how sweaty you are".

"I did, but my vag is bigger now, just don't want to shock you too much".

The Countess Abrielle comes out of the darkness,her icy blue hair framing her pale,naked skin. Naked,save for orange heels on her feet. Her breasts give no indication of breathing, but are clearly an aesthetic benefit. Like snow capped peaks in the country side, neither big nor small. Goldie Locks would call them "just right". And who the fuck could blame her?

"That's not very shocking at all,compared to what I showed you before we left". She gestures to the pale lady penis between her legs". It's medium size. Nither too big,nor too small. She even has a Goldie Locks penis. A Goldie Dick,if you will.

"What shocked me was the utter perfection of your body. The elegance of every curve,down to your lovely little Goldie Dick,crowned by blonde pubes like a Queen". "If Frankenstein had been horny as hell when he made his Promethean,he might have tried to make you". "But he couldn't,not without a woman's touch". "A part of me still can't believe you exist". I extinguish my cig and bow before my blue haired goddess. Goldie is in my mouth when we both hear and feel the first concussion blast.


	3. Feathers and Bones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Transylvania Express has been derailed! But by whom?

Fortunately,my lips aren't closed when the concussion blast knocks me against the wall. I spring up, just as Debbie yells the depressing news,"We're taking fire! Crusaders are laying siege to the train"!

"Fuck me"!

"I was just about to".

Her comment elicits a dry chuckle from me as my Countess Wonder Woman spins into a red and black evening gown. From my bird's nest view, I can see red lace panties. 

"You mastered the vampiric power of wardrobe change"?

"Wouldn't you? I worked hard to become a beautiful woman,not a hairy,smelly bat".

"Fair point, let's go see what's causing all the commotion in our locomotion".

Even as I said that,the assholes managed to flip the damn train. I grab Abrielle and we just hard charge towards an emergency exit. Debbie and Mr. Cuddles are waiting for us. Debbie's a shotgun surgeon,her favorite double barreled scalpel already gleaming in her hand as green cough syrup drips from her mouth. Mr. Cuddles is all snuggled up to his spiked mace,Stress Ball.

I pull out two Desert Eagles and hand one to Abrielle. She raises her eyebrow and hands it right back.  
"There's only one kind of banging I do with these fingers,hence I have bodyguards". I smirk back,"Well they are magic fingers".

The Halloween Special waits in my boot. Scanning the horizon, I noticed we had made it all the way to Arizona. Not that we had been in any kind of hurry. We had full on stopped the train once,to avoid spilling our ice cream and caviar. What? It's expensive shit. I don't see any assailants. Nothing but vultures circling our heads. I do see some glyphs etched into the cacti, but no spellslingers.

The sun has been sleeping for several hours. It's midnight in Arizona when our conductor bellows out of the train's smoke stack. She's a very sad smoke elemental. When we told Ashan she'd be driving the train,she had responded to the promise of hard labor by excitedly crafting a conductor's hat from smoke,her base voice letting out a squee from her hourglass form.

"Oh no,the train's broken"! She's actually crying,tears of ash falling from her doe saucer eyes. I've never seen an elemental cry before. Maybe a water sprite once, but it was hard to tell.

I reassure her. "Don't worry Ashan,we'll fix it".

The Countess chimed in. "And after that,we'll all go on a picnic".

"With chicken"! Mr. Cuddles gets caught up in it.

"And probably ants trying to crawl in my vag"!

"Dearest Debbie, that's because they're attracted to all the dust. Be nice to our conductor or you'll be the new wifu to Bealzabub,Lord of Flies".

I can't resist joining my countess. "I hear he's looking to start a family. Small brood of about 3 million flies, just needs a carrier".

"I will bring an umbrella to our glorious picnic,Countess". Debbie sighed.

"That's the spirit".

We smoke in the moonlight for a few more minutes before the vultures stop circling,and dive at us.

My pistol rings out, but the damn things are fast as fuck. Abrielle takes cover as I insert myself between her and the vulture, firing from a better position but only wing the sly bird. Cuddles swings at them mightily with Stress Ball. The mace grabs air, but the vultures are on their pointed toes, that's for damn sure. His cock is actually thicker than the mace, but you don't risk art in a fight. The vultures circle around for another pass and I eye a nearby cactus grove. Then I get a better idea.

"Ashan,give us some cover"!

Ashan blinks in her conductor hat,her eyes still stained. "What"?

"Envelope us,wrap us in your arms"!

"Yeah, cuddles"! The werewolf and the elemental say in unison.

We're all surrounded by smoke an instant later.

"Light up, we need to keep her going"!

"Gladly",chimes the Countess.

"Way to think tactically there Rommel". Comes Debbie's sardonic reply.

"Shut up and smoke Debbie". She complies with my order.

It's working. The vultures can't find their prey.

"Great work Ashan"! The Countess praises our cheerleader.

At that moment,a vulture dives just close enough. Both hands on my weapon. Ready. Aim. Inhale. 

Abrielle's supportive. "You can do it". "Just imagine it's Debbie".

"Hey"!

Fire. Nailed the bastard. He careens downward as I exhale,blood and feathers spewing forth in a torrent, exposing the sinew beneath. 

"Winner,winner vulture dinner"! Cuddles is excited.

Debbie scores the next shot. It's a zinger, I gotta admit. A zinger that keeps me from getting scalped. She hoists her shotgun and waits for a dive. A vulture obliges,nearly forcing me to change saloons. I roll out as Debbie takes aim. Then she blows his heart to pieces through his damn chest. He's dead in an instant.

"It's a Debbie Divorce". The Countess chuckles.

Mr. Cuddles shakes his head. "Is this how all your relationships end Debbie"?

"Fuck you"! "Not all of them"!

I light up as the last vultures shift into human form and land. Shamans. Figures. They raise their hands in parlay as their very literally heart broken friend starts to shift into a more human puddle of bodily fluids.

I exhale as Debbie swigs cough syrup. "You might be a heinous bitch, but you're a surgeon with that shotgun Debbie Downer".

Debbie takes another swig of green chems. "Thanks. I think".

The Countess rises from cover. "I was going to send the Lord of Flies your dating profile, but now I probably won't".

Cuddles laughs as Debbie bows.

The four remaining shamans approach. They're dress is an array of bones and spare feathers. One speaks. "Transylvania Travel does not have passage through our land".

The Countess is stern but professional. "We offered you a toll".

"Offer implies a choice. We didn't take the money".

"When someone offers to pay you for the fucking inevitable,you take the damn money. You only made yourselves poorer and in recent history,gave yourselves bodies to bury".

"It's all rigged! The contract wasn't fair"! A younger shaman exclaimed.

"Of course it wasn't fair! You lost! You lost a hundred years ago! What? Your expecting a come back? It's the 15th fucking quarter! The adage says,"To the victor go the spoils", not "A girl who kicks a man in the balls is gonna lick them after"!

The vulture shamans take flight,solemn and heavy hearted. I watch them vanish into the distance,reminded of why I became a mercenary. Soldiers get too invested in nations,tribes and causes. A merc knows that war is about winning. I could lose as a merc, even my life's blood. But I sure as hell charge them serious green for every drop of crimson. I don't follow some hopeless cause. I salute no faded flag. I serve Transylvania.


End file.
